How to Talk to Your Spouse Who Says You Work Too Much

Strong marriages and relationships require attention from both partners. This balance of attention to spouse versus earning a living or furthering your career can be difficult to find. And, once you have found a balance that works in your relationship, things change and you have to find the balance again.

Why do some people overwork? The Overworking Spouse may be under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive workers are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the other hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage. Of course, we should be involved in work that is worthwhile, fulfilling and financially rewarding but over focus can put the marriage at risk.

What can happen when you put your work/career first? Your spouse may be feeling emotionally disconnected from you and lonely. There may be a buildup of resentment which can lead to anger and finally bitterness-towards you. This situation often leads to unhappiness and discord for the entire family.

As a psychologist who has worked for 20 years counseling couples in my therapy practice in North St. Paul, MN, I met with Amy and Josh with just this complaint. Amy was complaining that she was overburdened because Josh worked too much and left her with the responsibilities of home, children, and her own 40-hour job. He knew she was right but he felt defensive when she tried to tell him how to manage his work schedule. He’d started complaining that when wasn’t very affectionate lately and always blamed her disinterest in their physical intimacy on fatigue. He asked to meet with me individually after Amy had had a session to talk about her “side”of the problem. He was appreciative that she was not as naggy as she had been in the past, but he still felt blamed and criticized.

When Josh and I met, we talked of the reasons that he was spending so much time at work. The usual reasons people overwork is that they are feeling under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive works are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, in their book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, suggest the following questions:

1.What does your work mean to you?

2.What pleasure or satisfaction does work bring to you?

3.What need does working fulfill in your life?

4.Does your work related to some personal legacy you would like to contribute to the world?

In a discussion with Josh, he pointed out that he was trying to make headway in his career now, while he was still young and had the energy. He knew his wife was doing a good job parenting their two small children (3 years and 9 months) so he wanted to focus on earning good money for his family. At first, he couldn’t understand why Amy was complaining so much because he was doing all this work for her and their children. He felt it was his responsibility. He wanted to provide his children with a fund for their education.

I suggested he consider the questions listed above. He said that his work is very satisfying in that he felt very confident and capable at work. He also wanted to meet his father’s expectations who had had a successful career. His older two brothers had moved from job to job and he knew his father was disappointed that they had difficulty supporting their families.

It was important for Josh to understand the underlying reasons for his excessive hours at work. He did not have a demanding boss and he was in no threat of a layoff. He just wanted to do the right thing. He had not thought of himself as having value over and above that of a worker and wage earner. He resigned himself to have a discussion with Amy. He said he would try to listen carefully about what Amy was longing for when she complained to him. I suggested he try to imagine the experiences she wanted to have with him and not to focus on her criticisms.

When Amy and Josh came for the next couple’s session, they wanted to further discuss the overworking situation. (They no longer saw the problem as residing inside one of them but as a problem the two of them need to figure out.) Any was able to explain to him what she missed when he work so much. He came to get a sense that his contribution to their family was not solely a financial responsibility. He heard her tell him he was also loved, appreciated, and needed as a friend, confidant and co-parent. She especially enjoyed his easy humor with their children and felt he was the only one who would be able to provide that.

This was a difficult issue for this couple and it was not resolved quickly. They were able to discuss their needs and wants in a different way when they addressed the questions about the underlying reasons for their positions.

Does Body Jewelry Make You Take Extra Risks?

Body jewelry is usually associated with body piercing. There are lots of styles available ranging from cute and sexy to exotic and tribal. The places that can be pierced and the type of jewelry worn are naturally endless. It seems that when a person moves beyond a traditional or conservative earlobe piercing that other people tend to think that this non-traditional self expression is a sign of rebellion. However, is the presence of body jewelry an indication that the person is willing to take extra risks?

That is a question that parents of teens battle with as their kids approach them for permission to get a piercing. They fear that piercing such as a belly piercing, nose piercing or tongue piercing may be an indication that their teen is rebelling against their own parental values.

This is true in some cases; however, many teens simply say that the desire to wear different types of body jewelry is merely a form of personal preference and expression. Not a rebellion against their parents, just a sign that they want to have their own look even if they will keep their parents value system.

What risks youth may encounter in their quest to wear body jewelry is trying to do the piercing by themselves with a needle and a prayer. This is often not the best road to travel. The risks for infection are far greater than the risks of not gaining permission from your parents. Many teens see self piercing as the only alternative when their parents "just do not get it."

Does this mean that parents should open the gates and permit their kids to wear any type of body jewelry that they desire? Will this lead their kids to continue that push into getting permission for other behavior such as under-age drinking, smoking, or drugs? In other words, is body piercing the "gateway drug" for a rebel youth?

Probably not. But that is what many parent fear when their teens ask them about body jewelry. Youth often believe that nothing bad can happen to them. They are young, resilient and can handle anything including the risks of a self-piercing. As a parent you have the ability to less some of the risks that youth will consider. Most experts would agree that by educating yourself about body piercing and by understanding your child's motives and desires for this trend, a solution can be formed that will keep harmony in the house and enhance the relationship with your teen.

What Are the Top 10 Tips for Small Business Branding?

Managing a business is not an easy job but promoting your business may be as hard as anyone else could ever imagine. And some small business owners thought that they have only limited things in order to manage and promote their business then they are definitely wrong. And some think that branding is for big businesses only then I will prove you wrong. And despite the business size, branding can be as effective as it can be. Here are the top 10 tips for small business branding.

The first one is to focus on the thing that you would like to establish, people won’t be attracted if you promote everything and anything under the sun, being an expert on one thing is what matters the most for the clients, making clients confused can never be a good idea, make them think on one important thing that stands your business.

The second one, is consistency on your performance. No one would love to patronize a company that doesn’t have consistency on its performance or on its quality. If you commit something to some clients, make sure you’ll do it, first impressions really lasts so better make sure to impress them positively and maintain it in order for you to have their loyalty.

The third one is to make an overview of your business at least on a one page document, letting them know how your business is running and what are your goals, mission and vision are very important tools in achieving for their approval, just be sure to make it brief and concise, no one will last if you write on plenty of flowering words, better to put on true informations.

The fourth one is, good treatment between you and your employees and between clients and employees as well, nothing can beat that.

The fifth one is, to remember that branding needs straight direction and longer maintenance and that there should be straight connection between the actual and the desired image.

The sixth one, join locally organized events and be one of the committees, it’s a good way to establish your image and business.

The seventh one is to blog, blogging is one of the great tools in establishing your business, making other people have an idea about it.

The eight one, you don’t have to depend everything to your logo, logo doesn’t make up the whole part of the business, so never spend too much time and effort on it, its just a part of the business.

And having your own company website is on the ninth place because obviously almost all people uses web, and the last one is not to depend too much on blogs, you must explore more over.

That’s the top 10 tips for small business branding Just don’t be afraid to give a try and to plan big for your business. And searching for branding tips can be easily done when you are eager to do it.

Old School Online Gaming

Ever wondered what your parents and the adults played for fun back in their day? Or before the existence of Nintendo Wii's, Playstations, and World of Warcraft, what were the games that people played with the computer? Online gaming back then was not as high-tech as what you play now but they delivered the same amount of fun that today's online games give you. Take a journey down old time geekery and see what was deemed as hi-tech back then:

1. # TradeWars 2002
A space game developed in 1984. In TW2002, the player is a galaxy trader where the main objective is to gain control of a limited set and amount of resources, as you travel in different sectors of the galaxy. Using your earned wealth in trading, you can upgrade your spaceship, get better weapons and fight for control of planets and starbases.

2. # MUDs
Also known as Multi-User Dungeon, this is a text-based multiplayer real-time virtual world that started in 1978. It combined elements such as role-playing games, hack and slash, player versus player, interactive fiction, and online chat with a fantasy setting populated by fictional races and monsters. The objective of the game is to slay monsters, explore a fantasy world, complete quests, go on adventures, create a story by role-playing, and advance the character.

3. # MUSHes
MUSH, generally called a Multi-User Shared Hallucination, is somewhat of a text-based Second Life where you can create anything you want, be anyone you want, and do anything that you want in a multi-user game. With the popularity of MUDs in the 1980s, many variations emerged such as TinyMUD in 1989. MUSH was then created by Larry Foard who used TinyMUD's code and added a different programming language.

4. # Hunt
The old school Before Doom, created in 1985 by Conrad C. Huang and Gregory S. Couch, is represented using ASCII characters on an 80×24 terminal screen. Hunt is a multiplayer game where each player wanders around a maze, killing off other players using guns, bombs, and slime. Players can also form a team. The maze, when destroyed, regenerates over time, during which "deflectors" appear, changing the direction of the projectile. Sometimes a "wandering bomb" appears, exploding when contact is made.

5. # Empire 3.84
Considered as the grandfather of all Internet games, Empire 3.84 is a risk-like conquer-the-world game with its original version appearing in 1971 on a PDP-11/45 mainframe computer at Harvard University. It gained popularity for being cited as one of Sid Meier's inspiration for Civilization PC game series.

6. # BBS Door Games
Since the technology in the old days was pretty much text-based, online games back then usually were also text-based games played over the modem on an amateur-run bulleting board system (BBS). Supporting only one phone line, there was not WiFi back then, so players usually had to take turns when playing, but still they can compete against each other.

7. # FIBS
The First Internet Backgammon Server pretty much tells us what it is, it's the first backgammon server on the Internet. Started in 1992, it has become one of the most popular online games to play backgammon against other players around the globe.